observations on Alabama living (old myspace blog re-posted here)

I have begun to collect mental notes about the bitter sweet observations i make about my new surroudings. These have started to teach me little life lessons about living in the south. To say the least, it has broadened my horizons in realizing the entire nation doesnt run like Seattle. So for this post, I present to you my new found observations about very Southern living (some of which I shouldnt have been that shocked by) intermittent with simple facts about my daily life here in Alabama.

- It takes twelve minutes to make me a knock-off Frappacino unlike the three or four minutes it would take back home. Even though I was the only patron in the café and they only use a premixed powder and ice blend to create the drink. Seriously twelve minutes.

- I have been called "one of those big city folk" more than once.

- I havent been able to buy all the ingredients I have wanted and needed to make several recipes. Apparently Enterprise, AL doesnt have a large enough clientele demanding Sesame Oil, Pearl Onions, Couscous, Edamame beans, and Non-Minute Made Rice to justify in stocking their shelves with such products. (Again, I shouldnt have been surprised by this) However, they do have a variety of brands of grits I can choose from.

- People actually stop at the little Boiled Peanut stands religiously. However, so far all I can see is that they are basically just vendors selling soggy peanuts from the back of their trailer.

- It is a valid excuse to be late to work because there was a chicken in the road. Seriously. And no I dont work on a dirt farm road; I work on the main street in the biggest town around for hours. Yet there was still a damn chicken walking in the road between Krispy Kreme and KFC. I hope for his sake he decided to walk towards Krispy Kreme.

- I shouldnt have expected my latest hair cut to be phenomenal considering another patron was getting his mullet trimmed and another shaving a horseshoe on the top of his head.

- Checks are the preferable payment method. A radio station DJ even promoted boycotting businesses who no longer accept checks because it is offensive to imply a customers checks would bounce. But then a woman called in, listed several reasons why debit cards were great and mentioned, "Besides, the rest of the nation has moved on to debit." She was informed that "even though the rest of the nation has adopted debit cards, Alabama doesnt have to. We do what we like down here and dont feel we have to change." I havent listened to morning talk radio in Alabama since.

- My best girl friend down here actually used the phrase "crazy as a run over dog" and was being serious.

- It is pointless to shop for music. I have asked for help in finding Dashboard Confessional, Ringside, Angels & Airwaves, and Gym Class Heroes all to be given a blank stare in return. Itunes and Amazon.com have become my new best friends.

-42% of the office staff is pregnant. I pointed this out to a co-worker who simply replied, "There isnt anything else to do down here."

- Just like in any normal doctors office or hospital, paintings and posters decorate each wall. However, each of these has Jesus in the background watching over the patient, waiting with the family, or assisting the surgeon. Even though the hospital is considered non-denominational, I detect an underlying theme and subliminal message. Hopefully you arent offended by the artwork there is no other hospital in town.

- The 'Fast Lane' on the highway still means cars will drive five miles under the speed limit. What are we driving slowly for?! We are surrounded by fields!

- While at work I have watched an entire season of Daria, Laguna Beach, The Hills, Making the Band 3, and Project Runway via Youtube. This sounds like an awesome job until you realize I am making the same hourly wage as I did at my first job back in high school. Having a college education and making very little over the federal minimum wage is disheartening.

- Beer on tap just became legalized a few weeks ago. But the selection of beer is still limited. No matter - Bud light on tap never tasted so good.

- The entire town cannot function when it rains. It becomes chaos. My colleagues will even order lunch and have it delivered so they wont have to bother getting wet. I have seen three car accidents happen in the past month due to rain. And this is not during those famous Southern thunderstorms; it is simply drizzling.

- Everything shuts down on Sunday. Everything. People wont even have Garage Sales on Sunday. Apparently selling junk on your lawn doesnt qualify as a 'day of rest.'

- Apparently sitting in a man made 'shed', putting deer food out in a field, waiting until the deer comes to eat peacefully, and then shooting it is considered hunting. It is too much work to actually go into the forest and work for the kill I guess.

- My boss, who is a lawyer, recommended crying whenever I get pulled over my a police officer. Why? "Because no decent man wants to see a Southern belle crying. My last girlfriend had been pulled over 13 times in one year and never gotten a ticket." Wow.

However, after reading my observations, it may now seem I am very bitter and having a horrible time adapting to my new Southern Belle lifestyle. This is untrue. I may be having a harder time adjusting to my new surroundings than I expected, but I am enjoying this experience. Besides, it isnt all bad. Its only a few hours drive to some of the most beautiful beaches in Florida and lying out in the sun isnt a bad way to spend a weekend. The Southern Hospitality isnt a myth; most people I meet are very friendly and quick to help when needed. And living with the love of my life and adorable puppy doesnt hurt either, right?