anyone else want to join my monday pity party?

First off, the Halloween festivities were wonderful and the sexy plumber was a hit! Although I decided to carry a camera around the entire evening (okay, more like I forced Brian too!), we only took three pictures. Not cool on my part, not cool at all. The only good part about this is that our friends were smart enough to take pictures all night and I hope to receive a link to them soon. Once that is task is accomplished, I will not only post the pictures but detail out the evening… so you too can feel as if you were a part of the Alabama party! I hope to do this tomorrow, or Wednesday at the latest.

Today is a Monday in every sense of the stereotype. To be honest, I do have to cut Monday a little slack – it isn’t all it’s fault. I went to bed in a funk last night. I woke up in funk. Here I sit watching the clock, typing this blog, avoiding actual responsibilities at work in that same damn funk. I have tried the seemingly fool proof measures to drag myself out of this pity party: crack open a caffeinated beverage, listening to my ipod, running on my lunch break, calling up friends to vent, eating chocolate Halloween shaped Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, etc. (By the way, has anyone else noticed how holiday shaped candies always taste better than the originals?!) Yet, none of it worked and here I sit wallowing in a funk I can’t shake.

At least it isn’t one of those perpetual bad moods that seem to show up with no warning and bring you to tears for absolutely no reason. Those are the worst; you don’t even know why life seems to have stopped you in your tracks and brought you to your knees. You want to skip out on work, rush home to throw on sweats, and pull covers up over head wishing to start the day all over again with no real discernable reason why. Sure, those days are worse because you actually feel guilty for wallowing in such a funk with no excuse for your behavior; it’s like you are taking crazy pills. I know why I am in this mood but am not sure where to go from here.

It is one of those situations where it isn’t one specific’s person’s fault. No one is truly to blame. And there isn’t one specific instance that has even caused this mood; little things I have been brushing aside and trying to move past seemed to have finally stacked up. That stack is suffocating me and finally it has come to a head today. I am trying to push that stack over, stomp all the problems around, and sit on top of the ruble, drinking a beer, and laughing at how insignificant all those problems really are. Screw a pity party; I want to throw a real party and move on! I want to actually ‘get over’ things; why am I letting insignificant situations pile up and bog me down?

Yet, I still sit here in my funk. I am not trying to hide anything from the people close in my life; I would like to tell anyone who dared to ask why I am in this mood – but I can not seem to put it into words. I wouldn’t even to know where to start. Besides that, I really feel everything that is weighing me down is so silly that I should have moved past it all days ago, weeks ago. In the grand scheme of relationships, friendships, in life itself, this all seems so insignificant. Why is it pulling me under?

Like I always tell my little puppy, “Life as Scruffles isn’t that hard.” When he has to take a bath or get his belly brushed, he pouts. When I won’t feed him another piece of marinated chicken, milk bone, or strip of bacon, he pouts. When I won’t stay home from work to play with him all day, he pouts. When I have finally had enough, I will look at him and say, “Stop whining. Life as Scruffles isn’t that hard. All day you eat, sleep, and play. You are spoiled rotten. Suck it up and quite pouting.” Although most people are skeptical, I am sure he understands. It usually get’s him to stop the pouting and his little ears perk back up as he scampers off to find something else to be mischievous about. And that is what I feel I need to tell myself today, “Life as Adrianne isn’t that hard. Suck it up and quite pouting.”

If that isn’t motivating enough, I can always throw in Dane Cook’s father’s quote too: “No one in this world cares if you cry. So take off your dress and end this little tea party.” It may be harsh, but sometimes that is exactly what a stubborn girl like me needs. That and it’s funny as hell; I can slightly imagine my dad saying the same thing to me.

So here I sit… still in my funk. But I am finishing up my last cup of tea and going to excuse myself from this party soon. Wallowing is doing me no good. I need to learn to not push the seemingly insignificant to the side – deal with it than and avoid the pile up. I need to learn what is worth internalizing and moving forward from because it truly is unimportant, and what is really important even if embarrassing to discuss because it seems insignificant to others. Uncomfortable twenty minute discussions are worth the avoidance of day long meltdowns. These funks are just not worth it.

But I won’t be too hard on myself either. Bad days are inevitable. It is normal and understandable that the little things in life can bog you down for a day or two. Sure, getting grumpy over spilling coffee on my pants on the way to work or getting upset that dinner I planned to cook has since spoiled in the fridge seems a bit drastic. But every once in a while it is justified to be upset when life doesn’t run smoothly. No explanations necessary. So tonight, I will bust through the front door, throw on a pair of jeans and ratty t-shirt, cook my favorite dinner, plop on the couch, and watch horrible reality shows while munching on Halloween candy. Screw what my boy roommates think; they will just have to deal with this pity party.

This song doesn’t necessarily explain my bad mood; no one needs to apologize and in no way is this situation “to late.” But I find the song extremely comforting and I have played it on repeat while typing this blog. Click here to listen to Apologize by One Republic. (I must give props to Brooke for introducing me to this band!)

Music Video:APOLOGIZE (by One Republic)

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