Halloween Celebration: Alabama Edition (finally!)

Brian and I were determined to make the most of my favorite holiday this year, no matter how lame this town can be! I mean, as long as we are surrounded by friends, fun costumes, and booze it can’t be that bad right?! So we rounded up the troops and headed to the bar (yup, that’s right, the bar in town!) for their annual costume contest. We even convinced Garrison to go, even though he had only been in town for two days and bought him a sweet pirate costume and accessories meant for a child all for under $10. He looks pretty dapper if I do say so myself! (Notice he is on the phone though: it is glued to his ear permanently. He is even worse than me; hard to believe I know.)



Tina and Luther did awesome and went as a UPS driver and a box. [Insert dirty jokes here]. We heard them all night long. “Is his package in your box? You are one hot box! Can I lick your box? Your box is nice and smooth.” And so on… I do have to say though I thought it was an awesomely creative costume. I was totally impressed. My favorite part (besides all the inappropriate comments I could say all evening because of it) was that it was real easy to push our way to the bar and thru the crowd. The hot box would basically trample all the drunk bitches in our way!



*me fingering Tina's box...*


Brian and I went as a Construction Worker and Sexy Plumber. Come on now, who wouldn’t hire us to work around the house?! Don’t we look totally professional? Okay, maybe Brian does since he is actually wearing a real tool belt and work pants vs. my zipper front ‘uniform’ and plastic tools. Also, I am well aware that this costume is pretty slutty, if not downright skanky. But I stand by the notion that this type of costume would be standard in Seattle. Not here in Alabama. They weren’t ready for it. Not only did I receive dirty looks from every woman in the bar… but some men too. It didn’t help that the waitresses that dressed provocatively for tips were more covered than I was. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised.


*Since it has been commented on more than once, let me just clear up the confusion: The ring on my left hand is a cheap ten dollar ring that I wear just because I think it is pretty and only fits that finger. If you saw it in person, it would be obvious that it is a fake and simply a fun ring to wear. The sparkle from the flash makes it look nicer than it really is. I am NOT engaged. (You can breathe a sigh of relief Brian that it is all cleared up now. HA HA!)



Now, girls who dress in sexy costumes are expecting attention and I will not hide the fact that I expected to be ogled. In fact, I was looking forward to see the obnoxious pick-up lines the guys would try to throw at me. A cliché costume incites cliché pick up lines. Ex: Naughty Nurse – Want to play doctor? I need an oral exam. I figured I would get the common ‘polish my pipes’ lines or what not but I was giving the Alabama patrons too much credit. See, I wore a little cheesy button that said “We Polish Pipes” and I had more than ten people come up and say, “I don’t get it. You Polish Pipes?!” and said Polish the Nationality, not polish as in silverware. What do I say to that?! “Ummm, yah I totally change your pipes to ones of a Polish descent. Polishing them would make too much sense.” I was stunned. My personal favorite was the guy who came up and said, “Do you want some Polish Pipe in you tonight?” to which Brian replied, “No, she gets that enough at home” since he actually is Polish.

No wait, I take that back. My favorite pick up line all night was the guy who asked if I was dressed as a surfer. He was dead serious. Ummm yah dude. I mean, I am wearing ‘cover-alls’ with plastic tools and a hat that says Personal Touch Plumbing Services on it, but I am a surfer. I just left the board, flip flops, and board shorts at home.

Finally, the costume contest rolled around and it came down to Flavor Flav and my friends Tina and Luther as the UPS driver and the box. The contest was a trip for two to the Bahamas (I know, I know! Can you believe it was such an awesome prize for a Podunk bar in Enterprise, AL!?), so it was some serious competition. I know I am biased since my friends were in the finals but I will say this: Flavor Flav had every detail perfectly costumed down to his shoes and glittered sunglasses and it was especially impressive since the guy was actually white and had painted himself black. But, I just felt the UPS and box costume was much more creative and original. Long story short, the audience would determine the winner based on their applause. The entire bar cheered for UPS and his hot box and even started a chant between voting sessions. However, it is much easier to overpower the majority by yelling ‘Flavor Flav’ instead of clapping so three drunk ladies basically won it for him. I have to give him props since it was a well done costume, but I still feel Tina and Luther were robbed.



Overall, it was no Halloween celebration fit for Seattle but we made the best with what Alabama had to offer. However, it is just another check point that has been crossed off bringing me closer to the move back home. I only have one more holiday to celebrate away from friends (my birthday… which as Brian likes to point out is not technically a national holiday!) and than I will be home to celebrate Christmas and New Year’s with friends and family. Trust me, I can not wait!