no longer M.I.A.Sorry for my leave of absence. Yesterday was Brian’s birthday so for the past 48 hours I have been running around trying to finish up the homemade presents and wrap the store bought ones. I know 48 hours seems like a lot of time to spend planning someone’s birthday especially since we are no longer in elementary school, but you already know my stance on birthdays! Although turning 24 doesn’t seem monumental, it is always nice to be spoiled for your birthday. I have planned the actual party for Saturday night so I will take tons of pictures to post of my drunken birthday boy! I know, I know – I also said I would post pictures from MY birthday and that hasn’t happened yet. But it will tomorrow. I promise. I already uploaded them to my computer and planned to post them quickly but didn’t realize stamping 365 cards with red kisses would take several hours and I got behind schedule.
I am sure you are thinking: 365 kiss cards?! What?! Yah I got this brilliant idea to write down 365 things I love about him and put them in a box so he could read one every morning for a year. I decided to print out the reasons on card stock and than stamp a kiss on the back of each… so when he opens the box all he sees are kisses and not text. It sounded like a great idea but executing it was extremely time consuming. And yes, I realize the absurdity of finding 365 things to love about someone you have known for little over a year but what can I say? I guess I am a romantic… or insane.
So with my birthday come and gone and his birthday put on hold until Saturday, I can finally breathe! Tomorrow I will tell about the South Carolina mischief I got into but today’s post must be shorter due to my time constraints (i.e. – boss giving me files to deal with. ugh.) so I will write about the newest MTV show debuting December 6.
People know that I am obsessed with horrible ‘reality’ shows on MTV. I don’t try to hide my guilty pleasure and yet am well aware it is slightly pathetic. Sure, Real World, The Duel, and True Life are fun and entertaining shows that several of my peers enjoy. Those aren’t the shows I am talking about. It’s the mindless dribble that I cant help but love that embarrasses me: Laguna Beach, The Hills, Sweet 16, Tiara Girls, etc. I wouldn’t say I sit on the couch and watch while ignoring all phone calls… but somehow I get sucked in when flipping channels keeping my interest much longer than I wish to admit. I have made peace with my little MTV teeny bopper reality show obsession… until now. Even I have limits.
The newest show to pop up on MTV is Twentyfourseven. (Yes, MTV made it all one word which I think makes me hate it even more.) I could tell you the premise of the show, but Best Week Ever seems to have already done the job nicely:
“What happens when a bunch of dudes who want to be famous stop being polite, and start acting like real douchebags, all while being followed around by MTV cameras? If you want to find out, be sure to tune into MTV on December 6th to check out Twentyfourseven, a new reality show that tells the story of 7 guys - Greg the “Entrepreneur”, Chris the “Rock Star”, Frankie the “Club Promoter”, Matt the “Actor”, and so on - as they all try to “make it big” in Hollywood by simply drinking energy drinks, having MySpace pages, rounding up “ladies”, making terrible music, wearing trucker hats, fighting, putting “positive vibes into their salads”, “poppin’ bottles”, and doing a whole bunch of other sh*t that sums up why I never go to Los Angeles. So if you just don’t have enough deluded friends who want to be famous of your own, tune in each week to watch this “crew”, “livin’ it”, “twentyfourseven”. It’s the best Hollywood Morons Acting Like Jackasses show since Entourage, but not quite so “high-brow”. These guys, for obvious reasons, are today’s Daily Douches.” source
To see the horrible trailer for this show, click here. It’s actually so bad it’s pretty funny… which might be my downfall. I am worried that I will flip channels, stumble upon it, and be interested enough to watch for five minutes to see how lame these guys really are and laugh at their poser attitudes and fake celebrity egos. But I am scared those five minutes will suck me in like a train wreck… I wont be able to look away! I will want to see more positive vibe salads, popped collars, trucker hats, and guys singing off key who think they have talent while being produced by their friends who think they are celebs. Ugh. I should set my parental controls on my tivo so I can’t even watch this. I cant allow myself to be sucked in. I just cant.
back to the grind...
So I am back at work after my nice four day weekend and the day seems to be flying by with all the work I am trying to catch up on. I will give you a nice recap of the birthday festivites with pictures tomorrow - it was an amazing weekend! But to tide you over until then, click here to see an awesome thanksgiving video aimed for an audience that grew up with Nickelodeon. Let's hope your family dinner went better than this...
it's my party and i'll cry if i want to, cry if i want to...Thanksgiving is tomorrow which basically means the official ‘holiday season’ is right around the corner… and I can’t wait! Although it is almost a bittersweet anticipation because this year is the first year I will be away from my friends and family for the majority of the holidays. When I was packing my bags to move down here months ago I constantly thought about how I would miss my friends I was leaving behind but I thought I would be much more comfortable leaving my family behind than it has really been to do so. The feeling of being homesick has been much more prevalent this week especially since my birthday is Friday and while birthdays are usually just a fun day for most, it is a huge parade of festivities in my family.
My parents and I have always treated each other’s birthday like a national holiday. We always threw the other family member a party and showered them with gifts, a dinner out, etc. Like most people, I thought I would grow out of the love of birthdays but it never happened. I have always thought of birthdays as a reason for celebration and hold mine to that level every year.
When people hear that I love my birthday so much, they automatically assume I am extremely spoiled and expect the world to drop and treat me like a princess for a day, showering me with expensive gifts and praise. This isn’t the case at all. Most often I take care of the little details to make my own day special: I always take the day off of work, buy a new outfit (or borrow a friends since than it’s new to me! hey sometimes I have to save money and can’t justify this…), and usually even plan my birthday party. To me, the birthday is just a reason to get together with friends and I don’t want to burden anyone else with the planning stages. Some years I have even footed the bill just because I don’t want a party to be a finical burden on my money conscious guests – the point is to have fun and be merry… not worried about what people can or can not afford. I remember my birthdays fondly and they really do mark huge changes in my life; it sounds so silly to have your own birthday to be such a huge day to look forward to but for me it works and I just don’t see that changing anytime soon.
So fast forward to this year when I am in Alabama without my family or friends living in a town that still feels foreign to me and my birthday is two days away. I will be spending Thanksgiving and my birthday with Brian and his family and although it isn’t my usual repertoire, I know they are all trying to make it the best weekend it can be. I didn’t want to pity myself over something as trite as a birthday but as each day comes closer, I miss home all the more. I miss my family thanksgiving where my grandparents sing me happy birthday, my mom bakes a special cake, my dad pretends to be grumpy, we all wear paper hats and drink beers as the cousins, aunts, uncles, and etc. rehash the past year. I guess I never realized how much I loved that until I can’t go one year. I miss my friends knowing that this weekend would have been a huge celebration filled with beers, dancing, karaoke, and hundreds of pictures to remember the night by. I know these nights will be numerous once I do move home whether we have a reason to go out or not… but I still wish I could be at home making birthday memories this weekend. *sigh*
Still, I can’t be all gloom because it is still thanksgiving and my birthday no matter where I celebrate! Brian and his family have included my in their plans this year and his mom is even baking my favorite cake. My friends have still gone the extra mile to make me feel special by sending me care packages all week plus I know I am going to get a ton of phone calls (and myspace messages!) My mom went all out and shipped a ‘party in a box’ to my work complete with banners, cookies, party favors, themed napkins, etc. so I could still have the traditional little party. This simple gesture made me giddy as I rushed around the office to hand out treats and still haven’t taken off my ‘Birthday Princess’ pin!
While I know deep down I am homesick and miss my traditional thanksgiving weekend, this one will still be great in its own way. The memories will still be made and it will surely be a great kick off to the holiday season. I am sure I am also learning a valuable lesson about growing up, compromising, flexibility, and etc. but blah blah blah. I am only turning 24… I figure I still have a few years left of treating my birthday like a national holiday. But even at 34 years old I am probably going to be doing the same… it just won’t be seen as excusable anymore. That's okay, I have made peace with that.
the stupid question hall of fameit's that time of the week again where collegehumor.com posts the winners for the stupidest questions overheard in class. read these and feel better about yourself because you aren't that idiotic…5. Trinity University, San Antonio, TX Submitted by BrettDuring Civil Rights class Professor: She was Hispanic, so she joined the Farm Workers Association. Bro: Wait, she was Hispanic? I thought that she was Mexican... 4. Forsyth Technical Community College, Winston-Salem, NC Submitted by David After studying a famous Renaissance painting in Art class Professor: What are the characters in the painting looking at? Genius Girl: The camera? 3. LSU, Baton Rouge, LA Submitted by Luke Professor: Half of the people that ever existed are alive today. Complete Moron: But doesn't that depend on who you consider a 'human being'? stunned silence 2. Bloomsburg University, Bloomsburg, PA Submitted by Eric In an Advanced bio class Professor: Plants will actually grow towards sunlight Apparently Advanced Student: Wait...plants have brains? And for the win... 1. Purdue University, West Lafayette, Indiana Submitted by Amanda Professor: So when talking to older adults, we use simple words, talk in a higher pitch, and tend to be patronizing. Who else do we do this to? pause Vocal Racist: Latinos? *for the original source, click here.
the difference between friday and monday...
click here for super cute video. (i am a sucker for animals!) dont worry, it's less than a minute long...
in case you are wondering, today i am the polar bear! *wink
hopefully my tuesday can be a bit more energy filled.
who's gonna be the bigger drunk?!blah blah blah. it's friday and my brian is mush. blah. can't wait to clock out and get this weekend going!so here is a little dirty drunk joke to kick the festivities off:Three women had a very late night drinking. They left in the early morning hours and went home their separate ways.The next day, they all met and compared notes about who was drunker the night before. The first girl claims that she was the drunkest, saying, “I drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks.”The second said, “You think that was drunk? Hell, I got into my car and wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don’t even have insurance!”The third proclaimed, “Damn, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home, I got into a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over, and burned the whole house down!”The room was silent for a moment. Then, the first girl spoke out again, “Listen girls, I don’t think you understand. Chunks is my dog.”alright, so now with that said, who wants to compete for being the drunkest this weekend?! HA HA! if that doesn't inspire a 'girls night', i dont know what will...
police brutality at UCLABefore I continue with today’s post, let me first update from yesterdays: the tornado has come and gone. Well, it has left Alabama but it still continues its way up North and most recently has even killed seven people in North Carolina. source My heart goes out to those families during this tragedy and I hope the tornado will soon dissipate without causing further damage. The damage around the town I live in was minimal – mostly trees blown over and power lines down. However, towns nearby have been completely devastated: water towers flattened, a major post office was busted open so the mail will be delivered all warped after drying, and even a children’s recreational center collapsed with children and staff inside, although no one was injured thank goodness.
It doesn’t seem right to post a humor blog today so instead I will post a news story I came across today about a scandal at UCLA concerning pending police brutality charges. As perezhilton.com writes, “An Iranian-American student at UCLA was tasered on Tuesday by campus police for failing to provide proper identification during a random security check at the school library. The shocking incident was caught on videotape and has created quite a controversy in the Westwood campus [because] police tasered the student even after he was handcuffed and posed no threat to anyone. Very disturbing.”I have included the article featured in UCLA’s newspaper, the Daily Bruin, which recounts the incident and investigation in more detail. It has been cut and paste below; to see the original article, please click here. Also, if you would like to see the video footage, please click here. An incident late Tuesday night in which a UCLA student was stunned at least four times with a Taser has left the UCLA community questioning whether the university police officers' use of force was an appropriate response to the situation. Mostafa Tabatabainejad, a UCLA student, was repeatedly stunned with a Taser and then taken into custody when he did not exit the CLICC Lab in Powell Library in a timely manner. Community Service Officers had asked Tabatabainejad to leave after he failed to produce his BruinCard during a random check at around 11:30 p.m. Tuesday. UCPD Assistant Chief of Police Jeff Young said the checks are a standard procedure in the library after 11 p.m. "Because of the safety of the students we limit the use after 11 to just students, staff and faculty," Young said. Young said the CSOs on duty in the library at the time went to get UCPD officers when Tabatabainejad did not immediately leave, and UCPD officers resorted to use of the Taser when Tabatabainejad did not do as he was told. A six-minute video showed Tabatabainejad audibly screaming in pain as he was stunned several times with a Taser, each time for three to five seconds. He was told repeatedly to stand up and stop fighting, and was told that if he did not do so he would "get Tased again."
Tabatabainejad was also stunned with the Taser when he was already handcuffed, said Carlos Zaragoza, a third-year English and history student who witnessed the incident. "(He was) no possible danger to any of the police," Zaragoza said. "(He was) getting shocked and Tasered as he was handcuffed." But Young said at the time the police likely had no way of knowing whether the individual was armed or that he was a student. As Tabatabainejad was being dragged through the room by two officers, he repeated in a strained scream, "I'm not fighting you" and "I said I would leave." The officers used the "drive stun" setting in the Taser, which delivers a shock to a specific part of the body with the front of the Taser, Young said. A Taser delivers volts of low-amperage energy to the body, causing a disruption of the body's electrical energy pulses and locking the muscles, according to a report by the American Civil Liberties Union. "It's an electrical shock. ... It causes pain," Young said, adding that the drive stun would not likely demobilize a person or cause residual pain after the shock was administered. Young also said a Taser is less forceful than a baton, for example. But according to a study published in the Lancet Medical Journal in 2001, a charge of three to five seconds can result in immobilization for five to 15 minutes, which would mean that Tabatabainejad could have been physically unable to stand when the officers demanded that he do so. "It is a real mistake to treat a Taser as some benign thing that painlessly brings people under control," said Peter Eliasberg, managing attorney at the ACLU of Southern California.
"The Taser can be incredibly violent and result in death," Eliasberg said. According to an ACLU report, 148 people in the United States and Canada have died as a result of the use of Tasers since 1999. During the altercation between Tabatabainejad and the officers, bystanders can be heard in the video repeatedly asking the officers to stop and requesting their names and identification numbers. The video showed one officer responding to a student by threatening that the student would "get Tased too." At this point, the officer was still holding a Taser. Such a threat of the use of force by a law enforcement officer in response to a request for a badge number is an "illegal assault," Eliasberg said. "It is absolutely illegal to threaten anyone who asks for a badge; that's assault," he said. Tabatabainejad was released from custody after being given a citation for obstruction/delay of a peace officer in the performance of duty. Neither Tabatabainejad nor his family were giving interviews Wednesday. Police officers said they determined the use of Tasers was necessary when Tabatabainejad did not do as they asked. According to a UCPD press release, Tabatabainejad went limp and refused to exit as the officers attempted to escort him out. The release also stated Tabatabainejad "encouraged library patrons to join his resistance." At this point, the officers "deemed it necessary to use the Taser in a "drive stun' capacity." "He wasn't cooperative; he wouldn't identify himself. He resisted the officers," Young said.
Neither the video footage nor eyewitness accounts of the events confirmed that Tabatabainejad encouraged resistance, and he repeatedly told the officers he was not fighting and would leave. Tabatabainejad was walking with his backpack toward the door when he was approached by two UCPD officers, one of whom grabbed the student's arm. In response, Tabatabainejad yelled at the officers to "get off me." Following this demand, Tabatabainejad was stunned with a Taser.
UCPD and the UCLA administration would not comment on the specifics of the incident as it is still under investigation. In a statement released Wednesday, Interim Chancellor Norman Abrams said investigators were reviewing the situation and the officers' actions. "I can assure you that these reviews will be thorough, vigorous and fair," Abrams said.
The incident, which Zaragoza described as an example of "police brutality," left many students disturbed. "I realize when looking at these kind of arrest tapes that they don't always show the full picture. ... But that six minutes that we can watch just seems like it's a ridiculous amount of force for someone being escorted because they forgot their BruinCard," said Ali Ghandour, a fourth-year anthropology student. "It certainly makes you wonder if something as small as forgetting your BruinCard can eventually lead to getting Tased several times in front of the library," he added.
Edouard Tchertchian, a third-year mathematics student, said he was concerned that the student was not offered any other means of showing that he was a UCLA student.
emergency broadcast system
so today's post will be a quick one: we had a few tornados in the area and our city was under severe storm threat... so we had to power off our computers here for about an hour. dont worry, everyone is just fine. no damage in the city that i know of so far except for the few random trees torn down... but of course this is all from what i can see thru my office window. it might be much worse out there. i doubt it. although i have heard rumors nearby towns have been left in devastation so my prayers go out to them. i know brian and the puppy are safe at home but i just can not wait to leave work so i can be with them and cuddle my boys on the couch. i cant relax until i see them.
not that a tragedy is funny, but if i had to pick the funniest moment it would have been when i actually got to hear the emergency broadcast system over the speakers around town and on the radio stations. it was funny because you always hear it pop up in the middle of your favorite song and you always think, "damn! when do we ever use this anyway?! so annoying!" and for once we actually did. okay, maybe that wasnt funny and should be considered more surreal. funny would be when the tree crashed down on the front porch startling me so bad that i fell out of my chair, spilling fruit snacks all over the floor.
the stupid question hall of fameA college education. Most people think it is a necessary step to begin a successful career and only the best will walk across that stage to snatch their newly printed diploma. But, as collegehumor.com’s weekly “Stupid Question Hall of Fame” shows, being enrolled in college really doesn’t prove you are smart. In fact, some of the people I came across in my own studies at the University would prove otherwise; I caught myself thinking, “how did you even get accepted?! Did your mom or dad do all your high school homework and than write your admittance essay?”
Anyway, without further ado, here are this week’s top five stupidest questions students overheard in class*: (and these people are supposed to be running our country after graduation?!) 5. Penn State, State College, PA Submitted by AmandaDuring a sociology lecture... Professor: A lot of children who are a part of step-families experience problems. It's not usually like the Brady Bunch. Girl who's devaluing my degree: Wait. The Brady Bunch was a step-family? That's what the song meant? 4. Fanshawe College, London, UK Submitted by Katie Prof: "The contributions to society made by these native Indians are huge" Stupid Guy: "Yeah, didn't Indians invent fire?" Even Stupider Girl: "Umm I'm pretty sure HUMANS invented fire!" 3. College of Charleston, Charleston, SC Submitted by John Genius: Excuse me. What does the etc. at the end of that sentence mean? Professor: Are you serious? Genius: I guess so. Professor: How did you even get into college? 2. University of Ottawa, Ottawa ON, Canada Submitted by Nick Professor: The attack on Pearl Harbor happened on December 7th, 1941 after.... Moron: Wait, wait. Like the one in the movie? Stunned silence And for the win... 1. Missouri State University, Springfield, MO Submitted by JesseSpanish Professor: While we were on vacation, we actually got to see a shrunken head in a museum. Brilliant Young Woman: So, how exactly do they shrink heads? Spanish Professor: Well, they cut the head off and then they begin whatever their process is to- Brilliant Young Woman: Oh, they use dead people?
*For the original post, click here.
damage controlAhh, the morning after. It is that dreaded moment when you wake up slowly realizing you have no idea how you ended up getting home to pass out on your own couch wearing your friend’s shirt and have stickers from the local radio station plastered all over your jeans, especially around the ass area. You look around your apartment thru squinty eyes while you try to adjust to the light and newly formed pounding headache. You see Jack in the Box wrappers next to you from food you don’t remember eating and a half drunk glass of milk on the coffee table which undoubtedly sounded delicious last night but looks disgusting now. What did you do last night?! After that seventh shot of Petron it all becomes a blur. You have flashes of kissing that waiter, yelling at some skank in the bathroom, and laughing hysterically to three year old Anchorman movie quotes… but the important details seem to be lost. Damn. It’s time to flip open your cell phone and check your call lists. Check who you called and who called you. It’s time to suck it up and begin calling those people back to not only piece together last night’s festivities but to asses damage control. Hopefully whatever mayhem you incited will all blow over soon…
And probably, luckily for you, it will. By next weekend, one of your other friends will make an ass of them selves and quickly take over the spotlight. (Or, if your friends are real party animals, maybe one of them even overshadowed you last night… which is something to hope for!) However, if this does happen to you soon, just remember how lucky you are because it could be so much worse: you could be famous and you could have been videotaped. Drunken shame like that will be passed thru celeb magazines and gossip websites like wildfire making your embarrassing escapade be front page news before you even get rid of that hangover. So, to try and overshadow your own drunken behavior this past weekend (or at least to make you feel better that you weren’t the only one to make an ass of yourself!), I have posted a link to a video list of awesome drunk celebrity moments. Watching a wasted Ashlee Simpson, P. Diddy, Ben Affleck, Britney Spears, and a ton more will help ease your own walk of shame. Not even our current President is exempt from this list of drunken shame.
To see the videos yourself, please click here. Enjoy!
the perfect score
*Disclaimer: For all the boys who read my blog, please change the word “shoes” to “xbox” or whatever item guys lust over, willing to spend ridiculous amounts of money for no matter how unnecessary. Only than will you truly be able to understand the awesomeness of this story.*
I haven’t been feeling super these past few days and have decided to forgo my usual run to gym for the daily workout in hopes to conserve my energy and to thus, get better quicker. (Again, I don’t have health insurance so anything I can do to avoid a dreaded doctor’s appointment is crucial.) Anyway, without having my usual routine filling up my lunch hour, I have been searching around town to find ways to blow sixty minutes. As I expected in Alabama… there isn’t many.
Sure, there are endless stores to shop in. I can find numerous boutiques or even a section of land posing as a ‘mall’ (but basically hold random hobby shops and discount chain stores that doesn’t even equal a good strip mall), but getting shopping gets old. I can only window shop for so long before I somehow convince myself that I need to purchase whatever item I have stumbled upon. No my dog does not need another sweater, no I do not need another picture frame, no I do not need another comfy t-shirt… what I need to be doing is saving my money. Yet another reason why I go to the gym every day for lunch: not only am I staying in shape, but staying on budget. Staying away from stores and away from boredom helps me stay away from pulling out that damned credit card.
But back to the issue at hand: I couldn’t go to the gym. So what should I do to pass the time? Again, my options are limited so sure enough I find myself browsing the poser mall and boutiques. I even wind up in TJ Maxx which I try at all costs to avoid because surprisingly, they have great designer clothes and accessories for only a fraction of the cost. (Who would have guessed?! Way to go TJ Maxx!) But still, I don’t need a $100 Prada purse, even if I am saving $200. Those hundred dollars should go to the cable bill or my car’s desperately needed new brakes. God, how I hate living paycheck to paycheck.
So there I am, wandering the aisles of TJ Maxx and I stumble upon an awesome pair of Steve Madden black ballet flat shoes. They are cute, not super cute, but likeable enough and completely functional which is more than I can say for half my stilettos. A great pair of comfy work shoes or something I could throw on for a lazy weekend running errands. But they are Steve Maddens’ so I can assume that even while on sale, they will still be out of my price range. Just humoring myself I mentally decided what I would actually pay for them: ten dollars. I have convinced myself that these shoes would make a great addition to my closest… but only if they are being sold for ten dollars which is a joke because never will you find a pair of shoes at TJ Maxx for that cheap.
I turn the shoe over expecting to wince at the price, but instead I do a double take. $5.00?! No way! I don’t believe it! This can’t be! So I scan the aisles to find the exact same shoe to compare prices. I find one, same size and all, flip it over to see the price is actually $60. So I look back at the shoes in my hand convinced I had been mistaken. But sure enough, I was right. The shoes had simply been miss-marked and the $55 over sight would be my gain. Still skeptical, I walked over to the registers. I felt as if this whole plan would blow up in my face and the cashier would ring up the shoes at normal price or even notice the huge discount and call a manager over to inform me of the mistake. I was actually nervous over a $5 pair of shoes; I was afraid TJ Maxx would think I was trying to pull a fast one on them. That I was the ring leader of the discount Steve Madden shoes scam. That I was a bad person.
But, nope, none of that happened. The cashier rang up my shoes, I happily paid my five dollars, and ran to the car to call my NY fashionista friend about my score. Five dollars for a pair of shoes?! That never happens! Not even at Payless could I score such a deal for knock offs, let alone designer kicks.
So here I sit at work thoroughly enjoying my new shoes as a glance at them under my desk. Is it lame to be so happy over a simple pair of shoes? Probably. But hey, you have to love the little things in life or you will be just waiting around for the big things letting life pass you by. Not only that, but technically I got the shoes for 85% off and who wouldn’t be happy about saving money?!
Yes, I do realize I have posted an entire blog about how the Alabama TJ Maxx just rocked my world and made my day. Never thought I would see the day…
i apologize...for the lack of yesterday's post. i was feeling pretty horrible and looking even worse. i stayed home from work to recoup which consisted of drinking smoothies and tea, taking vitamin C, eating soup, and watching countless hours of pointless television programming while curled up on the couch. it was a necessary break especially since i dont have health insurance (knock on wood! knock on wood!) so getting sick really isn't an option. but now i am up and running again... phew!i will post thurday's blog later today. don't worry - this measly one wont count!
isn't it about time?!
I know I am obsessed with all things pop culture and the latest celebrity gossip and trends but normally I try to refrain from becoming overly excited concerning the latest sagas in celebrity life since I don’t even know these people. However, every so once in a while, a story comes along and I have get sucked in more than normal. I actually seem to be invested in it. I like to read the articles focusing on the latest highlights and breaking news. A prime example of this would be when Mel Gibson got drunk, ranted about Jews, and called a police woman ‘Sugar Tits’. That was entertainment. The media had struck gold.
Another one of those events have happened today. It is a prolific day that I have been looking forward to for quite some time. Britney Spears has finally filed for divorce from Kevin Federline.* Why should I care?! I don’t know her personally nor does this even remotely effect my own life, but I seriously can not stop grinning. Maybe this will be the jumpstart her career needs so she will be once again plastered on every magazine cover and website barely dressed so I can create collages to hang on my refrigerator. I can only hope for her pop-alicious dance music to be once again blared over my radio speakers to get my ass a shakin’. I can not wait. I am pathetic I know but seriously, who wouldn’t rather have the old Britney back? At least she was some damn fine eye candy.
*I could credit fifteen web pages for this story, but I will use the most reputable in the journalistic world according to celebrities themselves: People Magazine. Besides that, but they were the source I saw the headline on first. Way to go People!
And in the spirit of the ‘Old Britney’, let me post one of my favorite pictures from her past.
*sigh* oh sexy Britney, how we have missed you...
Halloween Celebration: Alabama Edition (finally!)
Brian and I were determined to make the most of my favorite holiday this year, no matter how lame this town can be! I mean, as long as we are surrounded by friends, fun costumes, and booze it can’t be that bad right?! So we rounded up the troops and headed to the bar (yup, that’s right, the bar in town!) for their annual costume contest. We even convinced Garrison to go, even though he had only been in town for two days and bought him a sweet pirate costume and accessories meant for a child all for under $10. He looks pretty dapper if I do say so myself! (Notice he is on the phone though: it is glued to his ear permanently. He is even worse than me; hard to believe I know.)
Tina and Luther did awesome and went as a UPS driver and a box. [Insert dirty jokes here]. We heard them all night long. “Is his package in your box? You are one hot box! Can I lick your box? Your box is nice and smooth.” And so on… I do have to say though I thought it was an awesomely creative costume. I was totally impressed. My favorite part (besides all the inappropriate comments I could say all evening because of it) was that it was real easy to push our way to the bar and thru the crowd. The hot box would basically trample all the drunk bitches in our way!
*me fingering Tina's box...*
Brian and I went as a Construction Worker and Sexy Plumber. Come on now, who wouldn’t hire us to work around the house?! Don’t we look totally professional? Okay, maybe Brian does since he is actually wearing a real tool belt and work pants vs. my zipper front ‘uniform’ and plastic tools. Also, I am well aware that this costume is pretty slutty, if not downright skanky. But I stand by the notion that this type of costume would be standard in Seattle. Not here in Alabama. They weren’t ready for it. Not only did I receive dirty looks from every woman in the bar… but some men too. It didn’t help that the waitresses that dressed provocatively for tips were more covered than I was. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised.
*Since it has been commented on more than once, let me just clear up the confusion: The ring on my left hand is a cheap ten dollar ring that I wear just because I think it is pretty and only fits that finger. If you saw it in person, it would be obvious that it is a fake and simply a fun ring to wear. The sparkle from the flash makes it look nicer than it really is. I am NOT engaged. (You can breathe a sigh of relief Brian that it is all cleared up now. HA HA!)
Now, girls who dress in sexy costumes are expecting attention and I will not hide the fact that I expected to be ogled. In fact, I was looking forward to see the obnoxious pick-up lines the guys would try to throw at me. A cliché costume incites cliché pick up lines. Ex: Naughty Nurse – Want to play doctor? I need an oral exam. I figured I would get the common ‘polish my pipes’ lines or what not but I was giving the Alabama patrons too much credit. See, I wore a little cheesy button that said “We Polish Pipes” and I had more than ten people come up and say, “I don’t get it. You Polish Pipes?!” and said Polish the Nationality, not polish as in silverware. What do I say to that?! “Ummm, yah I totally change your pipes to ones of a Polish descent. Polishing them would make too much sense.” I was stunned. My personal favorite was the guy who came up and said, “Do you want some Polish Pipe in you tonight?” to which Brian replied, “No, she gets that enough at home” since he actually is Polish.
No wait, I take that back. My favorite pick up line all night was the guy who asked if I was dressed as a surfer. He was dead serious. Ummm yah dude. I mean, I am wearing ‘cover-alls’ with plastic tools and a hat that says Personal Touch Plumbing Services on it, but I am a surfer. I just left the board, flip flops, and board shorts at home.
Finally, the costume contest rolled around and it came down to Flavor Flav and my friends Tina and Luther as the UPS driver and the box. The contest was a trip for two to the Bahamas (I know, I know! Can you believe it was such an awesome prize for a Podunk bar in Enterprise, AL!?), so it was some serious competition. I know I am biased since my friends were in the finals but I will say this: Flavor Flav had every detail perfectly costumed down to his shoes and glittered sunglasses and it was especially impressive since the guy was actually white and had painted himself black. But, I just felt the UPS and box costume was much more creative and original. Long story short, the audience would determine the winner based on their applause. The entire bar cheered for UPS and his hot box and even started a chant between voting sessions. However, it is much easier to overpower the majority by yelling ‘Flavor Flav’ instead of clapping so three drunk ladies basically won it for him. I have to give him props since it was a well done costume, but I still feel Tina and Luther were robbed.
Overall, it was no Halloween celebration fit for Seattle but we made the best with what Alabama had to offer. However, it is just another check point that has been crossed off bringing me closer to the move back home. I only have one more holiday to celebrate away from friends (my birthday… which as Brian likes to point out is not technically a national holiday!) and than I will be home to celebrate Christmas and New Year’s with friends and family. Trust me, I can not wait!
What happened?!
What happened to my slacker Friday that I had been looking forward to all week?! I was swamped with more data to enter into spread sheets and than somehow got sucked into political articles and videos that have plastered the web recently to promote the upcoming elections. I try to pride myself in reading material from both political sides to educate myself on all aspects of issues so I can discuss political issues with some intelligence – instead of following beliefs blindly with no real substantial reasoning behind why I support what I do. However, that is often more time consuming (and can be more frustrating as I find myself running in political loops around issues); it is a small price to pay though to feel more educated on the world around me.
So this is my excuse for my lack of posts today… and this week in general. I have failed you. I am sorry. *sigh* However, I did receive the Halloween pictures today and will be able to post them Monday morning (or this weekend if Brian decides to study for hours on end… or play Grand Theft Auto leaving me bored with oodles of free time.) Either way I promise to ratify the situation and resume posting witty blogs next week. That is unless my boss continues to overload my desk with paperwork, but I really think this is a fluke. A passing phase. He hasn’t given me work to do for the past six months so why would he start now? At least that’s what I continue to tell myself for fear of crying over the realization that my youtube watching, blog writing, celeb gossip reading, etc. will suffer.
However, I will leave you with a phone quote you can raise your glass to this weekend: “Let's toast the night away to friends and forget about tomorrow” (New Found Glory’s Ballad for the Lost Romantics).
quick eye candy to tide you over...
what are my bosses thinking?! I can not believe they feel it is okay to swamp me with tedious spreadsheets and data entering projects for the past four days now! don't they know that I have become used to watching youtube, surfing celeb gossip blogs, and making personal calls all day? I have become accustomed to the slacker lifestyle; forcing me to work now is simply unjust.
(*for people who don't know, my job is to answer the phones all day. as long as I answer the phone when it rings, I have been given free reign at work to do as I please. and let's say, the phone doesn't ring that often. and for everyone thinking to themselves that this job is sweet and they are jealous... let me point out that I have a college education and barely minimum wage. so, it's not horrible but not a job I would like to keep permanently. awesome temporary situation though.)
so back to the issue at hand: I haven’t had time these past few days to post blogs that are in depth or very witty. However, I plan to ratify that tomorrow as it is Friday and even though I will have stacks of paperwork to complete; Friday afternoon's are made for slacking off. it seems to be a company policy. not kidding. so I plan tomorrow to update everyone with last week's Halloween festivities (long overdue).
to tide you over, I will post some eye candy. Brad Pitt has been on my 'Top 5" list for years... but has been kicked off for the past few months for looking just meh. but today I was happy to stumble across a picture that reinstates his hotness bringing him back up on the list. yum! but in all fairness, for my male readers I will present some female eye candy: Kelly Carlson (Kimber from Nip/Tuck). She too is on my "Top 5". Because she is beautiful, I will excuse the fact she starred in “The Marine.” Oh Kelly, you can do better than that!
robots and martinis
aaugh! I am happy since I clock out of work in 15 minutes… but that means I have less than that to post this blog! I have been swamped all day with actual projects (how dare my boss actually give me work to do?! Doesn’t he know I have blogs to write?!) leaving just a few moments to spare at the end. However, I promise not try and never disappoint. So here is today’s post: a simple joke. Sounds lame I know, but I have actually saved this in my email archives for months because I find it hilarious. And since elections are in a few days, it seems fitting. A political joke for this political week. Enjoy. (And props to Shan as always; I must give credit where credit is due. If it seems like I get a fair share of my material from her… it’s because I do. She is like me only with a better wardrobe.)
A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool he noticed that the bartender was a robot. The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir, what will you have?"
The man thought a moment then replied, "A martini please". The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had.
The robot then asked, "Sir, what is your IQ?"
The man answered, "Oh, about 164."
The robot then proceeded to discuss the 'theory of relativity', 'inter-steller space travel', 'the latest medical break through', etc...
The man was most impressed. He left the bar but thought he would try a different tactic. He returned and took a seat. Again the robot clicked and asked what he would have? "A Martini please.”
Again it was superb. The robot again asked, “What is your IQ sir?"
This time the man answered, "Oh about 100".
So the robot started discussing Nascar racing, the latest basketball scores, and what to expect the Dodgers to do this week end.
The guy had to try it one more time. So he left, returned and took a stool.... Again a martini, and the question, "What is your IQ?"
This time the man drawled out " Uh..... bout 50".
The robot clicked, then leaned close and very slowly asked,
"S-o, y-o-u v-o-t-e-d f-o-r B-u-s-h t-h-e-n ?"
